On Women’s Multiple Roles a.k.a My Deep Concerns in Life

Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus. Everyone’s origin is the same, nevertheless, we eventually end up in the hereafter.

In today’s Moment to Recharge, Teh Karina Hakman was talking about the roles of Muslimah. Have you been wondering, what kind of life you’ll have once you’re married and be a mother, or how could you balance your public roles and your domestic ones? Cause such thoughts have been in my mind for quite a while. Which I haven’t found the answer to. Yet today, there’s enlightenment, finally!

Well, in short, there are four basic roles that apply to all men, regardless of their gender, race, upbringing, occupation, wealth, and everything that differentiates us in the Dunya. 1) To be the servant of Allah, 2) To be Caliph on earth, 3) To consistently do good deeds, 4) To continuously seek knowledge. All of these are applicable as long as we’re alive and sane.

However, there are another four special roles (& abilities) that apply only to women. 1) To be pregnant, 2) To give birth, 3) To breastfeed/feed infants, 4) To be Al Umm Madrasatul Ula (the first teacher to the children). On which, I’d like to add a very important note. Although they are assigned specially to women, it doesn’t mean that we must carry all the burdens ourselves yah. These four are considered sacrifices, ibadah, and even jihad, greatly important that the spouses are obliged to give these women the support needed with all their capabilities. And even in the absence of a husband figure, the responsibility to support the widows is given to the relatives and to the ummah.

So given these, it’s very natural for women to have multiple roles at once. Being wives, mothers, children, students, believers, teachers, and other roles we could choose to have based on our interests and abilities. This gives me great comfort, cause personally, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like having a single role. It’s like, I always consciously and unconsciously live different roles and have multiple responsibilities at once (to the point I am feeling overwhelmed sometimes). To think that it’s something that happens to every other woman and it’s something that Allah rewards us for is encouraging.

Moreover, I really like the examples Teh Karin gave us. The Muslimah in the early years of Islam has carried many roles and strives in each one of them. The most famous ones are Sayyidina Aisyah RA and Sayyidina Khadijah RA. Both of them are amazing women, people came to Sayyidina Aisyah RA when they had questions about Rasulullah’s teachings, while Sayyidina Khadijah RA is well known for her entrepreneurship. The difference is, back then, Sayyidina Aisyah RA was not given the title of fiqh lecturer, tajweed teacher, etc; Sayyidina Khadijah RA was also not being called CEO, working-mom, founders, and other fancy names we now have for such positions.

But then we say, oh of course both of them could achieve such greatness, they’re Rasulullah’s wives! They lived in the early years of Islam! They learn directly from Rasulullah! etc etc. Truth is, Allah has provided us and ensured us, that we will not be burdened with what we cannot bear. So everything that comes in our life is within our capability (insyaAllah), we just need to believe that Allah is our Rabb.

However, Teh Karin also explained some tips on balancing our different roles. Those are: 1) understand the concept of amanah, 2) do our best (mujahadah), 3) sabr, 4) understand our conditions. There is one advice Teh Karin remembers being given by one of her mentors about managing these roles. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with your responsibility, instead of giving up, try to be more earnest and do your best to optimize the good deeds. Then afterward, if you face failures, don’t dwell on them too much. Failure is a test to see how serious we are in achieving our goals. After all, there’s no trial and error, there’s only trial and lesson learned (a.k.a we keep on growing from every experience).

It might just be me, but that advice hits hard! I mean, more often than not, I think the solution to being overwhelmed is reducing the load I carry. But it’s not the whole truth. Cause giving up will not let us go anywhere. While striving harder would eventually allow us to adapt to the situation and teach us to be better. And what’s better than making yourself busy with the good stuff? There’s happiness and wholesomeness that comes with it.

Well, now, on the thing to ponder, as happiness lies in consistently doing good deeds, what’s the next good thing you’d like to do? Have you got something in mind? If you have, good for you, hopefully, Allah will grant you happiness through that good deeds. If you haven’t got anything, may Allah makes it easier for you to find the right thing to do.

Remember that Allah is the All-knowing and He constantly gives guidance to us. From the simplest matters to the most complicated decisions we think we have in life. Also, remember that Allah wants us to be visionary! Set a target beyond everything in the Dunya, set your target for the hereafter. Have you ever thought about which Heaven you’d like to enter in the afterlife? (This remains one of the biggest questions I still need to find the answer to).

Remember that we only live once, and our life is short and temporary. Our real-life is in the hereafter. Don’t lose to laziness, fear, and unproductive insecurities. Let the past go and strive for a better future (especially the future in our afterlife).

p.s. the whole lecture allows me to live this day with a brighter mindset. Pray for me that it’d last, yah!